It was just one of those days, you know the ones, where something not so great happens first thing in the morning and then everything else seems to follow suit?
Day started with a fire to put out, that entailed mediating amongst very different personalities and perspectives, and that threw the rest of the day’s schedule off, as I rushed through trying to grasp some time back, cramming work into a now smaller space.
Then my partner and I went to pick up our pre-ordered holiday meal, in traffic, only to realize 5 minutes before arrival that we were going on the wrong day, which then meant tomorrow (the real pick-up day) was now thrown off and needed to be reconfigured. Yes, I am a crazy list-maker-scheduler but this genuinely helps my anxiety (which is a whole other blog post or two or ten, which I’m sure I’ll get to sometime).
Then all of a sudden, an email notification popped up on my phone that a gift was delivered to the house. A gift for ME! I was so excited! Yes! A gift! “Receiving gifts” is my second “love language” and I needed me some love.
But when I arrived home, the package wasn’t there; it seemed to have been delivered somewhere else…probably to someone who wasn’t full of exasperation and crabby-appleton vibes. The package couldn’t be tracked and the day continued to snowball. At dinner we decided to throw on a holiday movie to help hush up the vibes, but I still found myself being negative and critical.
The next morning, with some rest on my side, I decided to look at the day before.
I realized that aside from just having a bad start to the day, I was still carrying some wounding from a few weeks prior. I had put something out on social media with my heart full and open wide, but reception was lukewarm, almost non-existent. As a result, my guards went up, my heart shut down, and my internal critic was on full blast.
Now I knew what I needed:
I needed to reassure my inner child, who grew up in an environment that expected perfection. She also didn’t receive much validation or love for just Being, but rather for what she accomplished and how good it was. With this, I was able to affirm the part of me craving to be seen, as-is.
With the light shining on this core wound, I reviewed the day again.
I realized there was so much “have to” in my mental processes: I have to call that impromptu meeting, I have to still keep the other to-do items on the list (despite the time the new meeting will take), I have to go pick up the holiday meal, I have to now change the schedule for tomorrow. I have to, have to, have to, have to.
I know, right? A lot of internal judgement creeps up just writing that!
But very quickly, with some love salve on my core wound, I immediately shifted to “get to.” I get to call that meeting and I get to make necessary changes for the betterment of all, I get to do good work and get paid for it, I get to even have a job, I get to not only pick up the holiday meal, I get to order it and afford it to begin with, I get to have an entire day off where I get to create a schedule and change it!
Two little, but powerful words. “Get to….” What do you get to do today?