Forgiveness: a Process, a Practice, a Healthy Way of Life
Forgiveness is such an important aspect of self-care.
And what I'm talking about is not just forgiving others but also...
By the way, before I go further, I just want to let you know my partner and I did a podcast episode about forgiveness. You can listen using the player below or anywhere you get your podcasts. The main discussion starts at 7:30 into the episode.
Someone who's already listened let us know: "...my heart is 💔 over a friend situation that may never make sense. [The podcast]...gave me a bigger/fresh perspective on how I talk to myself, is helping me to ruminate in the present, move forward...all those wonderful nuances and perspective is literally exactly what I needed...I appreciated all the varied cultural relevance and historic wisdom teachings as well!"
And now, back to this blog post.
We all have things, people, situations, and past experiences that still sting when brought up or remembered.
For me, I feel a heaviness in my gut, like I’m carrying around a sack of rocks in there.
You can see how that would not be good.
Anything that still weighs on you is needing forgiveness.
What if you’ve already forgiven, and still feel a weight?
Then you’re ready to forgive another layer.
I’ve found that the more pain involved in the original experience, more layers will need to be forgiven.
So, for better or worse, forgiveness is not often a “one and done," not a "forgive once and you’re good" type of thing.
Forgiveness can be a multi-layered process and opportunity for deep and exponential healing.
🌟A Shift in Perception
I remember sitting in my coaching seminar and my teacher said
“forgiveness is a shift in perception that removes a block in me, to my awareness of greater love.”
This hit and completely redefined forgiveness for me.
All this time, I had been focusing so much more on the other person and what they did.
But what my teacher said brought great relief:
I could step back and perceive the entire situation in a whole other way, not denying what happened, but mining the great lessons and freeing myself.
For-give: to give-for another perception.
How can you perceive a situation differently?
Big Things and Little Things
It’s not just the big things we need to forgive, it’s the little things too.
Remember the sack of rocks? 🪨
Would you rather have 1 or 2 huge rocks or 1,000 little ones?
So anything and everything that sticks, stays with you, lingers in your heart is something to forgive.
I know that can sound overwhelming because...
...so many things can weigh on us, on any given day, adding to our past and what we’re already holding onto.
This is why it’s essential to make forgiving a daily practice.
Just like daily gratitude for what you have/what’s present in your life, forgiveness is the daily release.
I do my daily practice before I go to sleep.
This is often the time when things bubble up for me - I think of something I could’ve handled differently or something someone said that hurt me.
So this is a great time to release, and I love the practice of hoʻoponopono.
Hoʻoponopono is the Hawaiian practice that facilitates forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing of relationships within a community.
Hoʻo - indicates the act of doing something
Pono - ‘righteousness,’ in right relationship
Hoʻoponopono is powerful and goes deeper and wider than one can imagine but I practice a modernized version that still expresses the hoʻoponopono attitude.
It’s a simple prayer that goes:
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.”
I think of the person (and this can also be yourself) and/or situation, put my hands on my heart, and recite the prayer.
No matter what you have to forgive, just know that you’re worthy of it.
You’re worthy of freedom and you’re worthy of love from those who can love you the way you want and need to be loved.
You’re worthy of it all.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Dr. Christiane Northrup:
“Forgiveness is a very very potent way to create healthier cells and tissues. But remember, you can forgive from a distance. It's not necessary to get to the point where you enjoy being around the person you need to forgive. You just need to release any resentment that keeps you stuck in the past.”
💌 LOVE NOTE:
I created the FORGIVENESS flower essence and aromatherapy blends to help support and facilitate my own forgiveness work. It’s a truly powerful formula and I hope you find it healing.
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