The Pain of Losing Your Soul Cat: Changing Emotions, Lasting Love

My soul cat’s name was Sushi and he passed about a month ago so I’m still trying to figure out how to live without him. I adopted him as an older cat from the shelter and I wasn’t even looking for a cat, but as soon as I saw his photo I knew we were supposed to be together.

I only had three years with him but those years were the best I’ve ever had. I have pretty bad anxiety and he would put his paw on my cheek and press his forehead into mine when I was feeling anxious. He never left my side and when I got home he would sprint to me.

Towards the end he stopped eating and drinking despite the vets best efforts. I knew it was time on the last night as I watched him walk to his brother and cuddle him (they basically just tolerated each other). I knew he was staying for me so when we went to bed I held him and told him if he needed to go it was okay. I said I didn’t want him to go but I understood. Sometime in the early morning he laid on my chest and I held him there until his last breath. I didn’t take him to the vet to be euthanized because he was terrified of the car and always had a panic attack when we went somewhere. I didn’t want that to be his last memory and the vet okayed it. I don’t normally share that because I know that people think I should have taken him anyway but I couldn’t do that to him.

I still have days that crush me and I cry all day. I still think I feel him coming to cuddle at night. I don’t think these things will go away and I know he will be in my heart forever. He’s the best decision I’ve ever made.
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Love and Above Cat Club replied:
Hi Monica, thank you for sharing Sushi with us. Three years isnʻt enough but weʻre so lucky to get the time we do. I had a cat named, Sam, who was also a soul cat. I knew him for such a short time before he passed but the relationship was deep. Sometimes I think these relationships are ones where weʻve known each other before, other lifetimes. Your decision to allow Sushi to transition at home is one I made with Cumin as well. I was able to have a vet come to the house but I knew once she was diagnosed that her last moments would not be a scary car ride or on a cold stainless steel table in a vet office. I teared up when you shared how Sushi passed – heart to heart – his heart on yours, forever and in all ways. Sending you so much love, Monica. Donʻt hesitate to reach out if you need extra support!

Maximus transitioned May 7, 2019 at the age of 18. He had Kidney disease and Diabetes. I had convinced myself for months that just because he was still eating he was fine. But photos of him near the end, in hindsight, I had kept him around for me. That guilt is terrible. In the end, one day he looked at me in a way that just spoke to me. That day, I made the appointment and told him what was going to happen, and he looked relieved and calm. Our final weekend together was super special and we spent the time doing everything he loved doing. The day he got his wings was the worst day of my life.

He still visits me when I’m sleeping and I wake up feeling such warmth and love, then break down and cry. My therapist told me that my grief is love that has nowhere to go. It has helped me connect with my feelings and know that even though he’s in my thoughts every day, and I miss him so terribly, my connection to him isn’t gone. It’s just changed.

I truly believe he was my soul cat. Our bond was so intertwined. It was never just Max. It was Max and Mommy. We were never apart. And I have to believe, we still aren’t.
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Love and Above Cat Club replied:
Thank you for sharing yours and Max’s story. I personally relate to so much it and when I look back to a few of the last month photos of my Cumin, I, too, feel like I held on a bit too long. I had changed her appointment to help her transition several times before we actually went through with it. I love what your therapist shared with you – “Grief is love that has nowhere to go.” That’s beautiful! Jennifer, often, when our new friends comment on this blog, I’m feeling into the words and energy to provide support. I want to thank you for your comment because I feel like, on this very day, in this very moment, it’s providing a lot of support to me and to others in our community as well! THANK YOU! We’re all in this together and never alone on the Journey. Sending much love to you and Angel Max!

I lost my Luna on 17 September 2024, it was a Wednesday. She was my soul cat, my best friend, my little sister, my baby, my everything. She was a gift to me when i was 8, she only spend 7 years here with me, but it was the best of my life. Earlier this year, we moved, i went to a new school and everything was horrible. No one wanted anything to do with me, i was constantly teased for being the ‘weird kid’ and no matter how hard i tried nobody wanted to be my friend. After all that i’l come home to a toxic household where things were never that great, but it was okay because together me and Luna fought through it. Now that she’s gone i don’t know what to do, or who to talk to, i have nobody now.
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Love and Above Cat Club replied:
Hi Carla, I’m so sorry to hear about your soul cat, Luna and about how much you’ve been going through! Moving on its own is stressful enough but then going to a new school too? It’s A LOT! And now without Luna physically there with you, I can imagine you must feel so lost and alone. Some of that is grief and grief is a part of us all because grief is the other side of love – when you love, grief is inevitable and you and Luna loved each other so deeply. So the pain of losing Luna will always be there but it will shift, eventually like a scar but a scar of how much you loved.

But there’s also another part to all of this and it may feel more difficult to access – it’s about Luna’s love continuing on. It’s timely that we’re communicating on the tail of Halloween where they say the veils between worlds are thin – so we may be able to feel our ancestors or those who have passed more viscerally. I’m wondering if you were sensing Luna more than usual? Because here’s the Truth – everything is energy, we are energy, and energy never dies, it only transforms/transmutes. So Luna, like my Cumin, is still there with you, Cumin is still here with me. It doesn’t feel as nurturing or gratifying because we can’t nuzzle in their fur, feel their warmth and cuddle up but they are here with us. If and when the time feels right, start tuning into this, sensing Luna around; talk to her out loud or in your mind. I used to do this every night before going to bed. You’ll be learning a whole new way to relate and communicate. But just know, she’s still here. And you may even find that Luna will send another cat to you to love!

I’m so grateful that you found us and our growing community! Not everyone understands the deep love of a soul cat and that indelible bond! So please know that you’re in good company here. Also, I want to acknowledge how courageous you are in sharing with us. Thank you so much for sharing some of your story and some of Luna’s. Other people will read what you shared and by being vulnerable and keeping your heart open (despite all that’s going on) you’re helping others to feel less alone too. Feel free to follow us on Instagram for more consistent connection until we have our new community platform available. @loveandabovecatclub I hope this helps a bit. Sending so much love to you!

What a beautiful story. I lost my soul cat, gizma, today. She was only 1 year and 7 months, but our short time together was wonderful and inseparable. She unfortunately needed a surgery on her intestines at only a year old, and later over her past few days became irreversibly sick from complications of the surgery and further intestinal issues. She was an absolute sweetheart, and my shadow at home. We both revolved our daily routines around each other. I travel a lot, and she was always along for the ride including flying. I know she is my soul cat because I became sick in August, and later needed an emergency abdominal surgery in September. Gizma watched over me and was with me throughout recovery. She became sick, and was sent home from the emergency vet on hospice on the exact 6 week recovery mark after my surgery. She passed the following morning. I feel she was sick, but held on until she knew I recovered and was healing. She was ready to go the day she knew I would be ok.
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Love and Above Cat Club replied:
Isabel, I’m so sorry about Gizma. Thank you for sharing some of her story. Whether we’ve had our cats for 19 years or 1, a soul cat is a soul cat and you just Know. I love that you experienced the unconditional love of Gizma, waiting to be sure you were going to be okay before leaving this lifetime. It’s so incredible what our soul cats do for us – holding sacred space, watching over us, knowing we love them so much that even when they’re ready to leave, they hold on for a bit to just be sure we’re going to be fine. And she did that with you. My soul cat Cumin would lay on my stomach or near my head when I had a stomachache or headache. She was just so in tune with me and it certainly sounds like that was like you and Gizma. I know it’s so hard without Gizma’s physical presence in your daily routine – she was such a big part of it! Sending lots of healing your way, Isabel. Please take care of yourself and let me know if you need any extra support.