I was on a plane headed from Los Angeles to Honolulu to try and make it there to say goodbye to my Grandma who was passing away.
She was the one who raised me.
What made this even more intense is that just two months earlier, I lost Cumin, my soul cat of 19+ years and the inspiration for the Love and Above Cat Club.
If I really sunk into all of this I’d get lost in the grief abyss so I did my best to keep my head above water and just function.
I was just about to put my phone on airplane mode when I got a text and photo.
It was a friend of a friend who worked at one of the L.A. shelters. The shelter just had a horrible outbreak of feline distemper and she was desperately looking for someone to foster a litter of three that had just come through the doors. She had heard from our mutual friend how much I love cats and how I had just lost mine.
Two things happened: my heart burst open when I saw the photo and then just as quickly, it slammed shut.
I thought to myself, it’s too early to even think of other cats and I just had too much going on. I told her I was on a plane to Hawaii and she said she was going to take them home with her and for me to just think about it.
I had the whole plane ride, 5.5 hours to think about it. My heart battled it out with my head through the peanuts and pretzel mix, the veggie pasta meal, a movie, and a book I couldn’t get past the first few pages of.
I finally realized that fostering kittens might just be exactly what I need!
So although I felt overwhelmed, I decided to trust that we’re never given more than we can handle.
As soon as we landed, I texted back, “Yes! I’ll foster them!”
When I got back home and started fostering the kittens (Benny, Bear, & Buddha) I was completely surprised by this capacity for joy that they opened up for me.
Of course, I was still grieving and I actually continued my work with an animal/spirit communicator to help me with Cumin’s passing.
In one particular session, Cumin expressed how happy she was that I was fostering the kittens.
In that same session, the Animal Communicator asked me, “Are you thinking of keeping any?” and I immediately said, “Oh absolutely not! I’m just fostering.”
She went on to say how one of the kittens, Bear, kept referring to me as his Mom and she would explain to him how he was only here for a little while but that he was indeed, eventually, going to find his forever mom. But he went on and on about how he likes the new flowers that His Mom (me) put in the garden and how he’s going to love jumping off the sofa. (Which he and his foster siblings were being kept away from completely at this point.)
I smiled as I told the Animal Communicator how cute that was, but no, I wasn’t going to adopt any of these kittens.
About six weeks later, I was sitting on the sofa, with little Bear on my lap.
I suddenly remembered the conversation with the communicator and looked at this little being in astonishment.
How did you know???
His brother and sister had been adopted two weeks ago and it was just Bear left. I even brought him back to the shelter, then went back to get him.
Needless to say, he knew I’d be his Mom before I did!
I didn’t make it to say goodbye to my Grandma in Hawaii.
But I did receive signs that she was there with me.
And knowing I had the three kittens to come back to kept me going.
Sometimes we can think it’s too soon, but for me, it was these kittens and then Bear that kept my heart open in order to safely feel and safely grieve.
Me and grandma